Online individual therapy for gay men
Therapy for shame and self-acceptance
You mention your partner to one person and call him a friend with someone else. Sometimes you know exactly why. Sometimes the word is out before you’ve had a chance to think, and afterwards you’re annoyed with yourself for saying it.
You can be open about being gay and still find certain things hard to say. Perhaps you tell friends about a date but leave out how much you liked him. It feels embarrassing to admit you wanted him to call. That moment may tell us more about what shame feels like for you than the question of who knows you’re gay.
Online, one-to-one, in English · First session: 60 minutes, €135 · Check where I offer therapy
Working with me
Who gets to know what
Suppose a colleague asks who you’re going on holiday with. You give his name and leave it there. I’d be interested in what you wanted that colleague to know. If he’s made remarks about gay men before, you may have good reason to keep your private life private. If you trust him and wish you’d said more, we can talk about what you expected might happen next.
You may also recognise a family habit. Nobody objected to your partner coming to lunch, but nobody asked him how the two of you met, either. There can be a lot to say about what you learned to leave out at that table and whether you still want to leave it out now.
Your question
Can I come if I’m only out to some people?
Yes. You decide who gets to know what about your life. We can talk about where you feel comfortable with that decision and where it weighs on you.
More questions
What is internalised homophobia?
It’s the negative messages about being gay that you absorbed growing up, turned inward. It can show up as self-criticism, discomfort with other gay men, or a sense that you have to earn acceptance. My guide to internalised homophobia goes into more detail.
Can you still feel shame about being gay after coming out?
Yes, and it’s very common. Coming out changes what other people know. It doesn’t automatically change habits learned over years, such as watching what you say or expecting rejection.
Will therapy try to change my sexuality?
No. I don’t practise conversion therapy in any form. Attempts to change sexual orientation are harmful, and the professional bodies I’m registered with prohibit them. The work is about how you live with yourself, as you are.
Can I talk about faith or a religious upbringing?
Yes. Whether faith is still part of your life, something you’ve left, or somewhere in between, it can be part of the work. I won’t ask you to give it up or hold on to it.
Booking
Your first
session.
- First session: 60 minutes, €135, paid when you book
- Ongoing sessions: 50 minutes, €135, or £115 in the UK, billed monthly
- Usually weekly, with no package commitment
Payment is non-refundable and cancelling needs 72 hours’ notice. Full terms.