Online individual therapy for gay men
Sex and intimacy therapy for gay men
You can fancy a man, look forward to sex with him, and then spend most of it wondering how you’re doing. By the time he asks what you’d like, you know a fair bit about what he wants and surprisingly little about what would feel good to you.
For other men, the difficulty starts well before sex. You miss being close to your partner, but you’ve stopped initiating because neither of you knows how to talk about the last few times. Or sex feels easy with someone you’ll never see again and much more complicated with a man you care about. These are things you can bring to individual therapy with me.
Online, one-to-one, in English · First session: 60 minutes, €135 · Check where I offer therapy
Working with me
When it’s easier to go along with it
Say a man you’re seeing asks whether you like something. You say yes. Afterwards you realise you wanted him to slow down. You might have been worried he’d hear that as criticism, or you might only have worked out what you wanted on the way home. I’d want to understand which it was. Those are quite different experiences, even if the answer you gave him sounded exactly the same.
I might ask, “When did you first notice you wanted something different?” If you noticed at the time, we can talk about what made it difficult to say. If you only noticed later, we can start there. You decide how much detail to share.
When you and your partner want different things
Sometimes what brings a man to therapy is how little he and his partner say about sex. A kiss starts to feel like a commitment to go further, so even kissing drops away. One of you feels rejected. The other begins to dread a familiar conversation. You can come on your own to talk about your part in that, including what you miss and what you’d like your partner to understand.
I work psychologically. I don’t diagnose physical causes or offer medical treatment. If something may have a physical side, such as erection difficulties or pain, I’ll suggest you see a doctor or a sexual health clinic as well, and we can work on the psychological side alongside that.
Your question
Can I talk about sex in an open relationship?
Yes. You might be comfortable with the agreement and still feel hurt by a particular encounter. Or you might have agreed to something you now want to reconsider. I’ll ask what the agreement means to you and what happened, so we can give the actual difficulty our attention.
More questions
Is performance anxiety common in gay men?
Yes. Worrying about how you look, how you perform or how he sees you is one of the most common reasons sex stops feeling good. It often connects to a wider habit of self-monitoring. If there may be a physical side, it’s worth seeing a doctor as well.
Why is sex easier with strangers than with my partner?
It’s a common pattern. With a stranger there is less to lose. With someone who knows you, sex can feel more exposing, and desire sometimes retreats when closeness grows. Therapy looks at what closeness asks of you.
What if drugs are part of sex for me?
We can talk about that. Chemsex brings its own considerations, including physical risks, so we would also think about medical and sexual health support. My guide to chemsex and therapy explains more.
Booking
Your first
session.
- First session: 60 minutes, €135, paid when you book
- Ongoing sessions: 50 minutes, €135, or £115 in the UK, billed monthly
- Usually weekly, with no package commitment
Payment is non-refundable and cancelling needs 72 hours’ notice. Full terms.